Early yesterday morning I headed to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription, but I was wrong about the time the pharmacy opened so I walked over to a nearby coffee shop and had a latte and waited a couple hours. I needed a chance to do nothing and not worry about doing anything for just a couple hours, and that was the plan. Instead I somehow managed to get entangled in a conversation with a homeless man who kept telling me he was waiting for the mall to open so he could return the shoes he'd bought the day before, get a cheaper pair and take the difference in cash to buy beer. I have no idea how he got the money he had the day before, but he was wearing new clothes and toting his stuff around in a new backpack. He did tell me several times that he was "bipolarschizophrenicmanicdepressive."

Now, my point in bringing this up is not to say that I've noticed that there are people worse off than I am and redoubled my efforts to work hard to accomplish things or to smile in the face of adversity because my adversity is not as bad as, say, this guy's. My point is that I needed a fucking break, and I got stuck talking to some asshole who, whether or not his problems are worse than mine, was uninvited, unwelcome and frankly the slightest bit scary, especially once he started suggesting that he and I "kick it" and have some beers together once he got the refund that he was sure was due him for the shoes he'd already been wearing for a day in the rain.

I got the distinct impression that he was attempting to be chummy so I'd give him a place to stay or something. He was actually offended when I told him I was not going to be up to drinking that day. I was more than a little relieved when 9:00 rolled around and he got up and said he was going to head over to the mall instead of trying to follow me to the pharmacy or worse, home. He asked if I could be back there to meet him in about an hour, still convinced that I wanted to drink beer with him, and I said "no."

I picked up my prescription and went home and didn't feel like doing a fucking thing for the rest of the day. And mostly, I didn't.

It's not important to me to declare life "fair" or "unfair" most of the time. It is what it is. People interest me in general. Even the most sordid examples are as interesting to me as they can be scary. Some days though, I just wish they'd stay the fuck out of my face. I am known to buy coffee for a homeless guy (or anyone who otherwise couldn't get a cup) now and then, and I'll happily give a buck or two when I have it to give, but really I don't owe anybody except for friends, family and other loved ones. I don't owe anybody else a fucking thing because, yes, life is unfair.

Frankly, if you can ruin the little bit of solace I try to have on a Friday morning and raise my blood pressure while I'm waiting for a pharmacy to open so I can get the medication without which I have difficulty doing things as simple as sleeping and reading a book, then you're one of the reasons my life is unfair, so it's all going around everywhere anyway. I don't know where it puts me on the spectrum of kindhearted people, but if you make my life unfair and haven't also made my life better, then fuck you.

what's on:
"She's a Dish" (The Hard-Ons - Dateless Dudes Club)