Today while riding to work in a cab, I heard a commercial on talk radio for an internet matchmaking service. All of the testimonials by people who'd been successfully matched stressed how great it was to be loved by someone who finally saw them for who they really are. That very phrase and minor variations were repeated maybe six times in a short spot. "She sees me for who I really am." "He loves me for who I am." Etc.

I could not help thinking that this ability to see someone for who they really are is the very thing that lets you know what I'm trying to say, even when it's not the right thing to say, no matter how I say it. No matter what form it's in and no matter how ridiculously longwinded I get, even when I'm intentionally obscuring something, you are the one person who has ever been able to consistently figure out what I'm saying, often before I figure it out. Often when I don't even necessarily know exactly what I'm saying.

Once I thought about that, it occurred to me that the statement is much more complicated than it seems. Before today, if I were to say to someone "she sees me for who I really am," I would have been implying that I knew who I really was and recognized that you saw me in the same way. That isn't the case at all though. I feel like you see me for who I really am, and I am actually learning new things about who I really am by observing how you see me.

I know I am the kind of person who will likely always feel that there is something else I don't know about myself. Perhaps everyone has this weird self-actualization drive, but I'm certain that I do. Many people in my life have helped me a little bit with it along the way, but you are the first who has ever made me feel somehow comfortable that, in spite of knowing I have many things to learn and many I'd like to change to make myself a better person, there is someone who will help me figure it out by being able to observe so amazingly well without the overhead of actually living inside of my head the way I do.

Do you see now why I call you my editor?

Of course, I know you do.

what's on:
"Garden of Simple" (Ani Difranco - Revelling)