My beard started to gray maybe a year ago. I'd find the one-off gray hair, usually on my chin, but if I pulled it out there wouldn't be another sighting for at least a month. Now I consistently find a dozen or so at a time. I even recently started finding a couple now and then on the sides of my head, near my temples.

I don't really mind going gray at all. In fact I mind it less than my hair thinning on top, and that doesn't really bother me much either. Most of my friends are my age or slightly older, and almost all of them have more gray than I do. (To be fair, I'm generally the baldest in the bunch though.) In a way, I kind of like it. It's like I'm finally in the club!

I still pluck the gray ones out with tweezers, but it's got nothing to do with vanity. I'm just fascinated with them. I like to pull them out and then look at them under bright light. It's still weird to me that they're actually my hair. Sometimes, especially with my beard, I like to pull out a normal black one too and inspect them side by side. Usually after I pull a couple out and look at them, I'm a little upset when I can't find another one to pluck. Part of me wonders if I'll eventually lose interest in them, but I'm not sure I will. I also consistently find very thick hairs in my beard that are about the diameter of four normal ones. I have been finding those for nearly 12 years now, and they still fascinate me too.

I find it curious that there are people who go through so much trouble to dye their hair when it's started to go gray. Of all the things that happen to most people as they age, going gray is about the least scary. I'm not so comfortable that I'm not self-conscious about anything, and I worry plenty about cliché things like my weight. I'll even admit that when I publish a picture of myself, I will never pick one that's angled in such a way that my hair looks too thin, but I don't think I'm in any kind of glass house when I poo-poo folks' fear of graying. With health problems and the effects of bad habits in one's youth and even wrinkles to deal with, who gives a shit about hair changing color?

Don't give me the stuff about how dudes don't have to worry as much about graying because it looks distinguished on them and old on chicks, because that's horseshit. Attractive women are attractive whether or not they've got gray hair. In fact, some look cooler with the salt and pepper thing going on than they did before it started. I'm not saying it's required. Just that gray hair is not something that makes an attractive person into an unattractive one, male or female. Gain 200 pounds or suddenly develop a skin disease, and I'll absolutely understand why you've become self-conscious, but if you're stressed out about that shock of gray hair in your bangs, you're wasting a lot of anxiety bandwidth.

I'm willing to make an exception for one group of people, and that's the folks who started graying at like 20 years old. If you're gray before your peers are old enough to identify with such things, you have a right to feel a little self-conscious about it. It's better if you don't, but I don't think you're being unreasonable if you do.

I probably would have been a lot more self-conscious about my hair thinning for similar reasons if it hadn't started on the top of my head. I was about 21 when I first noticed it, and the only reason I had a chance to inspect it was because my mom took a picture of me from the back when I graduated from college. She wanted one that showed my graduation robes and the colored hood. It's a nice picture, but it is the first time I ever really saw that my bald spot wasn't subtle. I'd like to encourage any of you who are going gray early to feel better about yourself because I can tell you from experience that there's really nothing interesting about balding. At least with gray hair you can pull it out and look at it!

what's on:
"By the Time It Gets Dark" (Yo La Tengo - Little Honda)