Dear Large Investment Firm,

Yesterday I called to open a Rollover IRA and start the process of rolling an old 403b of mine into the new account. I also initiated the rollover of a smaller 401k from another former employer.

I was in a good mood and interested in crossing all my Ts, so I didn't mind at all when I had to be transferred around to four different representatives to work on each different part of the process. I didn't even mind that every last one of them asked for all the same personal information at the beginning of the conversation although I admit it made me curious until the last rep finally said it was so my information appeared on the quality assurance recording.

When all was said and done I had accomplished everything I'd hoped to accomplish in about an hour, and that was great. I had been emailed information about the two other things I wanted and needed to do, and I understood what steps I had to take.

I made dinner and sat down to eat, and near the end of my meal I got a call from another rep. At first I thought maybe something had been forgotten or there was a problem, but it turns out that was not the case. What actually happened was that the second rep I talked to emailed me information about moving another old Rollover IRA from a different firm and then took it upon himself to get yet another rep to call me to start that process. This in spite of the fact that I said I wanted to read up on some things myself first and think it over.

When the last rep interrupted my dinner, she said "You spoke to my colleague a few minutes ago," and I said "if by 'a few minutes ago' you mean 'almost an hour ago'" to which she replied "I do." Then it took me a full ten minutes to get rid of her after explaining that I would certainly contact her later after I'd decided what I was going to do with that account. She gave me her phone number three different times and on the second and third times she didn't seem to realize she'd already given it to me.

I hope you have that call on tape too so you can hear how it took one of your associates about two minutes to fuck up the good impression that four different representatives of your company managed to build over the course of an hour. If you need assistance in finding those records, she called me at 4:10 pm Pacific Daylight Time, and I did write down her name.

I have left your name out of this entry because I don't want my site Googled up when people are looking for information about your company. However, the word "loyalty" in the title of this entry was chosen because it is a synonym for the word you use as your corporate moniker. If you need more help, the name of your company also commonly refers to faithfulness in conjugal relations.

I do appreciate your help and services, but I didn't check a box for unsolicited calls somewhere, and they're totally not appreciated, especially not when they are to offer a service I explicitly said I do not need yet.

Sincerely,
Martin.

what's on:
"He Never" (The Inbreds - You Will Know)