The post-Christmas sale mailings are not quite as plentiful as the pre-Christmas sale mailings, and at this point I've been deadened to it somewhat, but I have noticed this year that a number of the post-Christmas mailings have the same theme: "Get What You Really Wanted for Christmas."

I suppose it's always been a little bit this way. I can vaguely recall funny advertisements implying that all Dad got for Christmas were things like socks and ties, and as such he should go to Sears or wherever and get that big grill or television or whatever other particularly Dadlike gift he would have preferred. But this is different. This is not just some kind of acknowledgment that we all get cliché gifts like socks and encouragement to "treat ourselves" to something fun. This really seems to be encouragement to return stuff and get something else.

It's not: "Oh Aunt Mabel got you another blue sweater this year, sigh. That crazy Aunt Mabel."

It is: "Nobody got you what you wanted, so you have to do it yourself!"

My love/hate relationship with eBay grew a new facet this season. It's now some polyhedron I'd have to be a math major or Latin/Greek scholar to properly name. eBay's holiday campaign is kind of deplorable. They aren't just explicitly encouraging people to sell the shit they got that they don't want. They have gone so far as to quote some statistics that "prove" that "regifting is now more accepted than ever!"

Yes, eBay, it seems that it is. I can't imagine how it became that way...

(As I write this, the eBay homepage features an ad that says "Get what you really wanted." with a picture and link to search results on the ridiculously popular iPhone, which is apparently what everybody really wanted. Below that is a link to the section of the site where you set up auctions, and the text of the link reads "Sell a gift you don't want." Refreshing the page, I see that this ad changes, but all that changes is the featured gift we are told we "really wanted.")

I'm not bothering to go into the use of the word "want" in this context because, although I think it is a telling word about society's view of gifts at Christmastime, I cannot help but think of the poor kid who really just wants his two front teeth, and I have no beef with that kid.

I am guilty of being very hard to buy gifts for. I'm also guilty of buying presents late and not being organized enough to really find something great for every one of the loved ones on my list. I do sometimes feel that the perceived requirement to buy presents at this time of year is oppressive and can cause hurt and resentment between people, but I also know that part of feeling that way is my own wanting to put in no effort or thought, what with it being the thought that counts and all. I point this stuff out because I'm not trying to argue from the standpoint of one who is some kind of morally superior gift giver. I'm flawed as the next guy in this arena, but I do think there is a moral element to what gift giving and receiving mean, and I think it's way too overlooked.

I don't know if there should be a great deal of guilt associated with returning or exchanging a received present now and then simply because you don't like it, but I do think there is a slippery slope associated with the way eBay is presenting the treatment of Christmas gifts. The instantaneous "flipping" of a gift immediately after receipt is treating Christmas gifts as money.

I've long had a beef with gift cards on some level because in many ways they are the epitome of laziness in gift giving. Unless the point is to give a "shopping experience" to someone who likes to shop, the gift card risks saying "I couldn't think of anything for you, and I also didn't listen enough along the way to figure out what you might like."

The idea that you'd collect all your gifts and then hawk them on eBay immediately is essentially treating gifts like gift cards, but at the fault of the recipient rather than the giver. As in "I don't care if you put effort into finding a gift for me, because I can just cash it in." I wouldn't be surprised if eBay actually said "cash in your unwanted gifts" somewhere in their recent ads.

This year I'm proud to say that, although all of my gifts will be given to the recipients late, I managed to find things for many of the people on my list that I think they will like and aren't expecting. It was fun, and I feel good about it. Like the kind of good you feel when you know you've gone out of your way for someone else for no reason other than to surprise them. I don't want recognition for it, and though I know that statement is dubious when written publicly, it's true. I point it out because, although I'm not certain that all the gifts I give or have given will be loved, I know that I would not have enjoyed looking for great gifts if I thought they were just going to be returned or flipped on eBay after they were unwrapped.

I vividly recall a Christmas gift I got 13 or 14 years ago. It was from my parents. I was in college in Pennsylvania, and they got me a warm fleece vest. I hadn't asked for it, and it wasn't something I would have seen in a store and bought for myself. Initially I didn't really like it, but I kept it, admittedly because I didn't want my parents to think that they'd picked something out that I didn't like. Also because I had to cover my tracks... It's not as if my own parents have trouble reading my expressions after I remove wrapping paper.

I don't even remember the details of when I started wearing that vest and discovered that I really liked it, but at some point later that winter I did. When I say "discovered that I really liked it," I don't mean just because it's warm. I mean I like everything about it. The way it looks, the way it fits and the amount of warmth it provides. It's one of my favorite coats now, and I consider it one of the best gifts I ever received. The only thing that could have made it better would have been for me not to have given the impression that its worth was questionable immediately upon receipt.

What are the statistics on how accepted it is to give something a chance before you rush off to dump it for something else? What are the statistics on how many people actually think about the great reaching effects of treating gifts as something other than gifts in the strict sense of the word? What are the statistics on whether we should rejoice that regifting is more accepted than ever before or mourn the loss of understanding what it means to give or get a gift in the first place?

When someone says that statistics show kids today are more desensitized to violence than ever before, we are encouraged to think about what that says about us as a society, and it ends up leading to actions like restricting minors' access to films, videogames and music. It's beside the point whether that kind of restriction is morally wrong or right here. The point is that action is taken because somebody thought about the implications and said "this isn't right." When someone says statistics show that regifting is more accepted than ever before, why aren't we encouraged to think about what that says about us as a society?

I'm not saying variations in the treatment of violence as a concept is somehow not more of a threat to society than people who sell their gifts on eBay. I'm saying both of those statistics merit some reflection and action if they're going to change, and eBay's using the latter statistic as an excuse to continue or increase the behavior that likely caused the statistic to change in the first place.

I remember a conversation I had with my dad when I was young. I was trying to sound adult and tough and pointed out how silly the concept of Santa is. The point I was making, if there was one, was that my parents shouldn't bother giving us presents from "Santa" any more given that all of my younger siblings were now old enough to know that he didn't exist. My dad's counter to my argument was that it didn't matter if Santa existed or not because what Santa stands for as a concept is good.

I think we were both right. I was talking about Santa in Practice. The one who always gives you a present, and at least in my family usually the biggest present you get. My dad was talking about Santa in Theory, and Santa in Theory can and will give you a lump of coal if you're on the other list.

Santa in Theory is also omniscient. Let's say on December 24th you're already making plans to list your gifts on eBay on December 26th. How much you want to bet Santa in Theory isn't making a last minute change to what's in his bag for you?

what's on:
"Mercury" (The August Sons - Plants, Planets and Insects)